So I think it’s time for an update because SO much has happened since the last time I posted that discouraging post. God has been doing wonderful things in our family 🙂
So… our first few months of marriage, this summer, were beautiful, but a bit weird because we were living with my parents who considered Richie another kid… they didn’t seem to see it as their daughter got married, but rather that they got a son. We often felt like my mom was a part of our marriage, in a way that wasn’t very healthy, and living there it was hard to break. At the same time, I was scared to grow up and be an independent adult and felt safe living with my parents. Last time I tried, I failed and slipped back into my eating disorder, 4 years ago. I was scared of feeling incompetent and of growing up.
I wrote on September 15th about how we were moving out to my family friends apartment who wouldn’t be staying there for a few months. I felt this would give us a way to transition and a way for us to save money, since it was cheaper than any other option I had found. We were planning to move out one weekend, and I kept getting anxious and putting it off. Work was busy and i had to focus on that. Things kept being tense with mom and one day, on a Wednesday, he sat down with my mom to basically tell her that we are our own family and she needs to realize that and treat us with that respect. The very next day, I got a call to come look at an apartment that I had found on Craigslist, about 25 minutes from my parents house. I had found it a few days back, and it was in our minimal price range, and in a nice area. I figured it was too nice to be true. I had searched alot for apartments over the summer, to no real avail. And recently I only had time to take a quick 5 second search here and there, just for fun, not expecting to find anything (that’s how every amazing gift in my life tends to work; how i found my husband… that’s another story though) .. We looked at it, we were both very impressed, yet we heard someone else was seriously interested and were there first, so they therefore had priority over us.
Well, regardless we sent in our application ASAP, and got notified that we got the apartment and signed a 1 year lease that Friday night. It was so anxious and exciting at the same time. We were moving out the next week. Surprisingly, it seemed that mom took the conversation to heart, because she was nothing but happy for us. 🙂 It was actually a blessing that we didn’t move into the temporary apartment, because God had this other gift he was going to give to us.
The day we moved the bed, was an emotional one, especially for my mom. She sobbed as we moved boxes into the living room and things out of the room that has been my bedroom for so many years. She hugged us goodbye as we and some friends piled things into a big van that they had borrowed. It was a strange, bittersweet, but yet peaceful ride to our new place, all alone in the car (because Richie was in a car of his own). I was riding the drive that I’d now make many times. Riding for the first time to my new life… my life as a wife apart from my family.
The next day I got a text from my mom, “I realized yesterday that I’m done raising you”. I responded, “how do you feel about that?”… and she replied “good… dad and I are proud of you; you turned out well. We are delighted for you both!”…
Since that day we have been slowly settling in to our new life w/ just our little family of 2, enjoying figuring out how to do life together. I’d say overall things the past week have been really good, almost like a second honeymoon phase (our honeymoon bliss pretty much ended at the honeymoon as soon as we got back to my parents house)… just enjoying looking forward to coming home to each other, or having dinner together and are having fun setting up our home… We are very grateful for our life and the gifts that we have been given by the Lord Some days feel like a big transition, but more feel surprisingly natural and even wonderful! I married a wonderful, nurturing husband, so that helps and we are very happy to be together in our little place.
Also, things with my mom are so different. She really has changed since that heart to heart talk. She has stepped back in our relationship, and doesn’t make unexpected visits or anything. She and my dad and sis came to see our place once and I expected here to have things to say about why she is anxious about it and what is wrong about it and should be changed, but she only had good things to say like that she was happy for us and proud of us… It’s a change to have more distance, and sometimes weird, given our past dynamic, but an answer to prayer.
Off to work on work related stuff for the rest of this lovely Sunday! And laundry!