LIE LIE LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 Peter: 3 
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

One of the biggest lies that the enemy has used in my life that is one of the things that most draws me away from the Truth of the Lord is that my looks are everything and that I’m pitifully ugly. I’m fat and have a face that is the equivalent of a fat baked bean or something. Just ugly. And the worst part is that I actually do try to look nice. This longing to be beautiful and the feeling that I’m not beautiful is sometimes handicapping. The enemy has used this type of lie so much in my life. Sometimes it’s the “YoURE FATT” lie and other times it’s the your ugly. It’s so crippling.

Sometimes this makes me almost mad at others who are prettier than me. Why did God not give me those looks; that face; that body. If only I was more beautiful, life would be more beautiful. Life is so short compared to eternity. Does it really matter if I’m beautiful or thin??? NO freaking way! It makes no difference on my ability to bless or touch others at all!!! But the enemy throws it in my face that it’s everything to the point that it makes me insanely jealous of those I’m called to love. How sad. 

It seems so shallow, but it’s just so deeply engrained in the human part of me. To want to be beautiful and more beautiful than. What if I truly cared more about my inner beauty; my quiet and gentle spirit than my outward beauty or lack thereof? What if I prayed that the Lord would nourish my quiet and reverent heart more than the time I listened to the enemy about my appearance? When I am so focused on my appearance, and hatred of it, I render myself and unusable and bitter tool. Only when I surrender am I free to love and to be used of the Lord. I need to fully let go and give this to the Lord.

My prayer to the Lord is that I will know this and live this with my full heart and full conviction.