Lately, i’ve been feeling like my life is a whirlwind. I’m trying to prepare for my certification exam, and prepare for a wedding in 95 days. SO Much to do. I keep having to back out of commitments. I feel terrible, and then feel like I should be able to do everything if I just managed my time better. Honestly, maybe it’s just cause I’m tired, or because of all the illness and injuries that held me back… but I have been feeling defeated, like “I can’t!”.

But God has brought me to these things. I am blessed beyond measure… and He will give me the strength and tools I need to conquer this tests, and prepare a wedding. Help me, Lord to trust you with these things and to offer them to you, with open arms. I am yours. I know you are faithful.

It’s 95 days until my best friend and I are husband and wife. It’s been a time of transition for us, and we transition from long distance, boyfriend and girlfriend, to close proximity husband and wife. I think that we have realized that we have communication issues are an issue for us just recently because we are just private people (especially me). And we really have gotten to know eachother because of living in close proximity, and this is especially an issue for me. I was in a previous serious relationship where I shared my heart with someone, positive and negative, and then he dumped me. I don’t open up easily, and I decided if I ever was in another relationship, I would not share anything negative. I prefer not to talk sometimes, and that hurts my fiancé. Sometimes I share more with my mom and I think that upsets him because he wants to be the first one I go to. It’s so hard for me to share my full heart, even though I trust him. I don’t quite know why. When I am upset, I sometimes bottle things up and retreat and then share with my mom.

He talked about it w/ me tonight because we had an episode that upset him where I had a stressful day, he could tell, but I didn’t want to share, that he is concerned how this type of issue will impact our marriage and we need to be working on it, because we want a strong marriage. This will be hard since I don’t share easily and I spent the first part of the relationship deliberately doing the opposite, but we are committed to working on this. What was sweet, is I told him about the relationship with my exboyfriend and how it hurt my ability to be open since I was open and was rejected and already had a hard time sharing my heart, and he held my hand and told me that he is marrying me because he loves me and wants to know the whole me; the good and the bad, and to be a part of every part of my life; and it’s vital if we want to have a growing, viable, solid marriage. I guess since we were in a distance relationship, it was easy for us to not work on issues, but now they are in front of our faces… but we want to work on them because we love each other.  We have so much to learn. Being so open scares me and is not natural to me, yet I love and trust him.

We have so much joy about committing our lives to each other before the Lord… Our marriage is for the Lord. I’m trusting Him to make my story and our marriage beautiful and purposeful.

“Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus”

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