“The fear of human opinion disables. Trusting in God protects you from that.”

– Prov. 29:25 (MSG)

 

JAN 29 // It is impossible to be who God created you to be when you are looking to the opinions of others to prove your worth. People are fickle by nature, and keeping up with their ever-changing whims will distract you at best, and paralyze you at worst. Instead, ask God who He has made you to be, and what He would have you to do next. He may use people in the process, but let your confidence rest in Him, not them. //

Sometimes I have this sense that others don’t like me. For my whole life, I feel like while I’ve typically been the type to have a few friends, and love one on one interaction, I tend not to fit in with others in groups. This has been pervasive throughout my life in different jobs and circles I’ve been in. I never quite get why. I’m introverted and definitely outside the box. I really am not into the things most people are. I could care less about pop culture. I hate parties (the typical kind). I’m not into much secular or tv shows or that sort of thing. Maybe others see me as odd? or Boring? I’ve never been 100% sure, but wherever I go, people tend to flock into groups, and I’m an outsider. That’s just me.

I’m usually ok with how I was designed, but I guess at different periods of my life I’ve wondered; why don’t I fit in? I must be a loser or something! I remember first wondering that as a 14 year old girl when I started to struggle with body image issues. Everything sort of compounded at the same time and I started to wonder why I didn’t fit in with many people. I started to assume that the people who were my friends just pretended to be my friends as they felt bad for me because I was such a loser. I pulled away from them. I then retreated into my eating disorder and stayed there for about 6 years. I am now mostly recovered from that, and mostly accept myself, but sometimes I still have that little sting in my heart that wonders, “why don’t I fit in? Why am I different? Maybe people don’t like me?” And even though I am mostly ok with who I am, there is a part of me that is a people pleaser that wants everyone to like me. I like to hide that part of me from others and pretend it’s not there… but deep down it is.

The Lord then whispers into my ear, “Lizzie; I’ve created you this way for a purpose; I have great plans for you as you are!! Your purpose in life is not to try to please others and gain others approval, but to spend your life touching others who I place in your life with my love; not to gain the approval of others; but to gain my approval. Because of how I made you, there are people only you can show my love to and I have and will continue to place them in your life as your look to me.”

I want to live my life serving others who the Lord places in my life… not simply looking for the approval of others or to fit in. I want to stop living my life to try to gain pleasure or caring about what others think of my, but I want to live in complete trust in my Lord, hand in hand with Him.

Ok… The Lord has brought me to a place where I mostly eat healthy foods when i’m hungry and then don’t focus on it… yet there is this one food that is sometimes an issue for me. The freaking bleeping amazing food is peanut butter. That food and I have quite a relationship. It’s delicious, freakilicious, delectable. Words can’t describe. I don’t know why I am having trouble knowing whether I should give it up. Clearly I love it and it’s more to me than just a food. Sometimes I spend days just wanting a few spoonfuls of the substance. I am able to eat it and then stop… so I justify; is it a problem? I’m not sure. I gave it up for a few weeks, but I always have an excuse to pick it back up again; like last week when I was tired; or this week since I’m sick. I think I need to give it to the Lord, because it’s not just the peanut butter, but it’s that I feel like a fat gross blimp when I eat it, and can’t control my portion size well. That isn’t healthy. I’m gonna pray about this one that the Lord can help me with my PB intake and let me know if I need to reduce it or cut it out completely…

Be still

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

– Ex. 14:14 (NIV)

It’s a season right now with a few big battles to fight… The battle of the exercise addiction and the falling apart of my body because I have abused it. The battle of studying for this huge exam… So many things like this.  I am scared. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever have victory in these areas. But God whispers, “I will fight for you, Lizzie… you need only to be still”. God help me to be still and trust you.
Lord heal me so that I can run again… please take my love for running and use it for your glory. I give it to you, for now. Take my mind and help me to prepare for this exam. So that my mind and hands can touch others as an occupational therapist…

Eagles Wings

 

So many thoughts in my mind. I should be studying, but this is what is on my mind. I truly want to wait upon the Lord. I feel weary sometimes. Like I don’t have the strength to do what I need to do. How can I live for the Lord??? I feel like i fall so short from the life I live where I want it to exude Christ and His light and life. I want to live the truths that I believe. Yet so often… I just live, so far from the godly woman I want to be.
 
2015. It’s a year of change and transition. The year that I get married. It’s the year I will walk down two aisles in 1 week (Lord willing)- at my grad school graduation and my wedding. As someone who doesn’t like change, I’m joyful as it means starting my career and becoming the wife of my best friend. It also terrifies me. What will life be like? Will i be able to pass my registry exam? Sometimes my very scattered mind finds it hard to focus on studying. Maybe because I don’t believe that I CAN succeed. But then I think back to this grad school journey, and I see so clearly, the Lord’s hand in this journey and how He has guided me through every impossible seeming step. I know that He is faithful and will guide me through the rest of the journey. I just need to pray for strength as I go through the study process. My struggle with focus is humbling, because I know clearly that any good focus I have, any success is from my Lord.
 
Oh Lord, I want to fall more in love with you this year. There is much stress as I finish school, and get married (will write more about marriage another day, been thinking about that ALOT lately!)…  I want to know you more and seek the things of the world less and you more… I want to become more like Christ this year.